5 Reasons not to take a roadtrip with your pregnant bestfriend...

1. She might decide she has to stop every 5 seconds b/c her bladder has something sitting on it even though there is a perfectly good cup on the floor!!

2. You'll end up with brusies on your shoulder everytime you decide to change the radio station b/c the hormonal one decides to slap you in the shoulder, in the same spot, everytime you do! And don't sarcastically tell her she sounds like Mariah b/c the hormones take over and the filters in her eardrums tell her she does.

3. DO NOT under any circumstances make a single comment about her psycho baby daddy, even though they are still "not together" and he blames her hanging out with you on how their relationship suffers b/c god forbid it had anything to do with the fact he is a souless, psycho, inbreed carpetsalesman, and even though he can text whatever the hell he wants to about you. This is how you get chewed out and slapped b/c "you don't understand, you've never been in a serious relationship before" and especially DO NOT tell her that it doesn't take a trained monkey to realize what she has is not a serious relationship and that the whole reason for this trip is to " take care" of the situation he got her in in the first place.( ok maybe i deserved this slap)

4. DO NOT get tricked into " telling her what she really looks like" in the outfit she is wearing b/c no matter what you say it is going to be the oppisite and wrong and you are "just lying to her b/c you are her friend" and trying to make her feel good or "you don't know what you are talking about she still looks good", whatever just nod smile and go with it. Or my personal fav, walk away!

5. Most importantlly DO NOT take her out with you and your old friends from college and decide to go back to the old biker bar you used to work at and decide to get utterlly blizted to the point where you don't remember anything other then the fact that when you got back to the hotel room she decided to call the cops on you, knowing you were on probation, to have them almost take you in. Then have her cop an attitude with the short napolean looking police officer only to have him almost take her in as well. Then wake up in the morning only to have the fight start all over again and almost get left at the hotel 2 hrs. away from home crying on the sidewalk and finally get in the car and eventually make up again b/c like I said it's the hormones!

VERDICT: YOU'VE ALL BEEN WARNED! I WOULD NOT RECOMMEND TRYING THIS AFTER A LONG WEEK OF WORK! PREGANT GIRLS DO BITE!

Dinner at the Thirsty Pony

Get a look at this massive "Beer tube" as it's called. Good thing we decided to have a race with these this lovely night with two of them after drinking all day and hanging out at Cedar Point. Liz and I took on Angela and Ash( pictured), and let's just say those bitches can drink! Espeacially since this was towards the end of the night after shots and fufu drinks.The walk across the street to our hotel was a riot too!

"Milling" It

Is there a sign on my forehead that tells people that they need to "come out" to me? Especially everytime i go to " The Mill"?I'm really starting to get a complex from this? Honestly like i know im cool and laid back and stuff and am very blunt but seriously, it's getting out of hand! Espeacially when it just so happends to be every female server that i work with and decide to go get drinks with, no wonder the managers think im this crazy preditory lesbian! Ha, it is completly the other way around, I don't ever hit on any chick it's always the other way around! So when Ally finally admitted it to me, you know since i really wanted to know and all, that she perfered woman i can't say i was shocked but i did go back in my mind 3 hours before hand when we were shooting pool and the script was completly flipped and she said the oppisite. That's what makes me weirded out is that all these "straight " girls are one way and then we start having a convo and a cople of drinks and pow, the script is flipped. Damn if i would have known that it was easy enough as that to make someone change there views i would have had it so much easier back in my hotter days! Man if i only knew then what i knew now things would have been soooo much more different! LET ME TELL YOU!! I just find it so fascinating how all these straight girls are actually crooked arrows! Hell this all goes back to me theory on how everyone is bi only certain people act on it! Hell at this rate and with my track record this just gives me evidence that you don't need to go to gay bars to find someone at all, all you need to do is go to any f'in bar in town they're all gay to me, at least with me in them since i seem to only attract the straight girls and couples in there. Hell it's harder for me to find a man in a straight bar then it is to find another woman! I think my universe was just ment to be lived out backwords. Odd ain't it!

Polo's Sunday Funday

Where's Angela? That was the question of the hour, actually the last 45 minutes b/c that's how long it actualy took to figure out that our tall amazonian friend had been missing. I mean it was 2$ bud light bottles and 2$ cherry bombs for christ sake, we were just a little 3 sheets to the wind by now. Plus my throat was gone from screaming for the boys doing there promised N'SYNC karoke number on stage 20 minutes ago and to top that off getting my much promised lapdance from Dan the man, which i must say, was as disapointing as i thought it would be, even though according to him, " You know it will turn you striaght." Ha, what a comedian! All the while he was attempting to perform while Ronnie sarinaded us with Britney Spear's " I'm a slave for you" What can i say, F'in priceless!! Anyways, after all that excitement died down we made our way outside for a quick cancer stick break. And this is when i had a moment of clarity....Where in the world is Angela W? After we all stood there blankly staring at each other for a good second, Ronnie was the first to pipe up thinking she may have been in the pisser and after a quick gander around i noted that he may have a point and made my way to the ladies room. After a thorough search which include me popping my head in for about 6 secs b/c the smell alone made me want to go missing as well, i noted that there was no tall blonde in sight and made my way back out to the patio to report my results. Oh well, was the original concensis, since this wasn't anything new when it comes to our fearless female friend. She often likes to take random brisk walks to nowhere when she is wasted among other things which is why what happened next was no surprise. So we are all standing there enjoying our lovely beverages when this random man walks up outside the fence. "Anyone here know a tall blond woman?" I was feeling like a smartass around this time so i piped up with, " Ya i think i know a couple of them." The guy continued on, " Well your friend is passed out between two cars in the parking lot." Me and Ronnie just rolled our eyes and started for the lot knowing full well we had just found our missing person and could call off the Abbey Alert. Low and behold lying in between the cars in a puddle of her own piss mind you, was our darling friend Angela. It seems our dear friend had decided to use the parking lot as a toilet and in doing so fell mid stream while popping a squat. So we helped her up careful not to touch the urine all over her jeans that was obvious to everyone around, put a towel on the back seat of Ronnie's car, and layed her down on it. Hell Ronnie still had one song to perform and he couldn't let down his fans so we bailed back into the bar for one last round before last call. Well you see, to Angela, she wasn't having any of this. No, she comes walking through the front doors piss on her pants and all. Now this not only brought attention to her but on us so we politely acted like we didn't know what was going on and peaced out quickly. So the night had finally came to an end and we were heading on the road again to our lovely aboads. Then as Angela was climbing in the back seat she casually vomited all over. There's nothing like the smell of piss and vomit mixed on the leather seats with summer heat to end a great night of drinking. You got to love Sunday Fundays!